It’s a good show with a great host. Get on it.
Airs M-F at 2pm PST on KCRW.org They also have a podcast.
Marketplace
Dec 24
Now that it’s ending I have no idea why the hell I played the game. It wasn’t particularly fun, and nothing ever happened. It passed time until my impending death I suppose. Other than that, it served no real purpose. I have no inclination to buy their new monopoly game, and as I delete my web browser’s bookmark I can only think that this was a pointless 10 minute daily activity.
How I wound up here is a mystery. Well, less mystery, and more I’m drunk and someone was going there. Red Robin you are a very strange place.
It felt like midnight, but it might have actually been more like 7pm. The place was deserted except for a couple of people. It’s attached to our Westfield mall, which generally I try to avoid like the plague. I got some burger, and a bunch of beer. The fries were steak fries, and I like steak fries. They had an incredible amount of seasoning on them, though that may have been my fault. There is some sort of seasoning salt they have labeled and put out on the table. We also got some sort of oddly shaped onion ring thing. I buried just about everything I ate there in ranch. Life was good.
Really my only gripe is that the fries are supposed to be endless, but they took forever to get the second batch out. Then apparently they gave them to some other table. Fuckers.
So there you have it. Go to Red Robin hopped up on margaritas, and beer. Get more beer, and forget that you’r sitting next to a man in a suit. I’ve got a shirt with a turkey on it. Victory!
Robitussin, you suck. My cough, and sour throat are a trademark symptom of what you’re supposed to fix. I never take cough medicine, so your nighttime nonsense should have knocked my low tolerance ass right out. It did not. I hate you.
I’ve been sick for a week now, and last night was the first time I tried your medicine man’s elixir, and I woke up with more of a sore throat than any other morning.
Thanks for nothing, Robitussin Nighttime, I hope you burn the in fiery depths of hell.
Like all good weaponry the Double Shot works best with booze. The gun’s main purpose is to harass and irritate family and friends. Dogs also tend to be very skittish of these things, and for good reason.
This double barrel dart shooting shotgun is made by the people of Buzz Bee Toys. Purchased at Target for $9.99 I thought I was getting a hell of a bargain, but it turned out to be another Chinese conspiracy. This gun has nothing on any Nerf products.
The cartridges shoot out when you crack the gun open, which is fun at first, but quickly becomes aggravating. Darts often didn’t leave the chamber, and instead found themselves lodged in the barrel of the gun. This can be quite embarrassing when trying to kill Julia Child on the Jumbo-screen. The darts are firing using air hence its name ‘Air Blasters.’ However, the gust of air is weak causing inaccuracy, and a short firing range. For my taste I find the gun too light, and overall cheaply made. I was hoping more for a full sized, possibly real shotgun experience. This is why after shooting this toy, Collin’s suggestion of shooting a friends real shotgun made in the U.S. of A. sounded like a great idea.
I suppose it’s worth noting that this is a child’s toy, but the fact that there is really no creative alterations on the traditional shotgun, and it’s more of a miniature colorful replica is disturbing. The world needs child soldiers, but they can’t learn on this equipment.
At target looking at the table chart of Nerf products we saw the Vulcan, an intense bipod mounted killing machine. After muttering it’s name a stoner Target worker seemed very eager to show us the product, and was seemingly disappointed when we refused. Sorry buddy.
The shotgun was fun for a short time, but it’s poor quality and the fact that I’m 24 rendered it useless after one day. Oh well, 10 bucks on something that had potential.
Product: Buzz Bee Toys Air Blasters Double Shot
Price: $9.99
Oprah in Cahoots
Nov 21
150 million American uteri collectively quivered today as Oprah Winfrey announced the end of her daytime talk show. The show will be ending in 2011 at the end of its 25th season. Only a fool wouldn’t recognize this as a Chinese conspiracy, and an attempt at destroying the US economy.
Joblessness in America already exceeds 10% and only stands to get worse with the end of the talk show. With no Oprah women will grow tiresome of the domestic life, and seek to join the ranks of the employed. It is no coincidence that her announcement to retire comes on the heels of the projected economic recovery. These fat bon-bon eating self empowered motivated women will make it difficult for the zombie eyed dead soul current job seekers to compete. Employers will be pleased to see that the chipper Operahites know outlook, word, and excel. Yes, opening a document in an application makes you an expert.
In an attempt at deterring hordes of fatties from gaining employment the Obama administration has authorized Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner to cut women’s pay from the current 70 cents earned compared to a man down to 40 cents. It is expected that the fatties will become irate, start yelling, become incredibly tired, and finally just sit down and watch ‘The Price is Right.’ We can only hope that Drew Carey hasn’t been paid off by the commies yet.
Ice cream maker Nestle has already announced that the ramifications of her decision are likely to hinder their business model. Nearly half of Nestle’s revenue is based on women and gays during the hour ‘Oprah’ is on air. An anonymous Nestle representative has told us that the company may need to shed as many as two thirds of its employees. If that weren’t enough the Chinese government has announced it will operate a state run creamed ice program called Lee’s Nest Creamed Ice and Ammunition.
We have been able to keep the reds at bay for the past 24 years with the economic boom that Oprah has created. Yes, as a man, I hate Oprah, but like the prostate exam we need her.
My guess is that China is going to take Taiwan and rename it Oprah. The Taiwanese will protest at first, but the women will get addicted to her, and she will have them withhold sex from the men until the men surrender.
Dear Colgate Corporation,
You’ve been in business since 1806, you’ve been making tooth brushes for over 100 years, and basically invented toothpaste. I understand it must get boring making toothbrushes for a whole century. The desire to spice things up is undoubtedly great. But seriously, get this wacky ass crap off my toothbrush.
Tongue Freshener (AKA pointy rubber things on back of head for scraping junk off your tongue): Seriously guys? Did no one during the entire design process actually bother to use this toothbrush? The addition of a spiky surface to the back of the head means that while brushing the outside of your molars you’re simultaneously treated to the removal of the inside of your cheeks… I don’t enjoy feeling like someone is rubbing a miniature hedgehog around my mouth while brushing. If I actually wanted to “freshen” my tongue, I’ll just brush the thing, you know, with the bristles.
Mint scented brush handle: I assume toothpaste makes up a big portion of your business so it’s surprising to me that you think adding more fresh scent to the brushing process is necessary. I’ve got a mouth full of toothpaste (cinnamon in my case, which is a class act of a toothpaste, thanks for making it) so my ability to pick up the delicate minty scent rising from my toothbrush handle is considerably dampened. I suppose I could get a waft of it but really, do I need this? Do I want this? No.
The color: This particular brush seems to have a killer whale thing going on. I wanted a brush that was all black… But apparently the trend in brush design these days is inspired more by 80’s BMX attire than subtle elegance. If there’s one thing I want to live to see, it’s the return of an all black toothbrush (and flying cars).
I’m not writing you for a refund or to return the brush. I already fixed the “tongue freshner” issue by scraping the spikes off with an open pair of scissors, It’s mangled looking but functions… I just want you to know that you’re pushing it, trying a little to hard and you’re product is suffering.
Sincerely,
Collin R Tiegs
Thank you for contacting the Colgate-Palmolive Company with your feedback or question. We have received your e-mail and it is being forwarded to the appropriate parties. You can expect a reply from us within one business day.
Sincerely,
Colgate-Palmolive
The next day:
Dear Mr. Tiegs:
Thank you for contacting us over the Internet about Colgate Max Fresh Toothbrush. Your interest in our products and company is greatly appreciated.
Our goal is to manufacture and market products that meet consumer needs for convenience, value and outstanding performance. Our Product Development Team is constantly striving to formulate a wide variety of products in the hopes that, with a varied marketplace, there will be an adequate selection of products from which to choose.
Your response involved material we wanted to send you, therefore the response has been sent via regular (postal) mail and should reach you within three weeks.
If you do not receive this response through regular mail, or have any questions about this, please contact us again by email, or by calling us at 1-800-468-6502, and provide the number appearing after my name below.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact us. We hope this information is helpful.
Sincerely,
Gena Jordan
Consumer Affairs Representative
Consumer Affairs
I’m thinking I’ll probably be receiving a prototype all black toothbrush from them for reviewing purposes. Perhaps Ms. Jordan will take the time to write me a little hand written note as well. Only time will tell!
When I was a young boy, home alone during the Summer months I would often consume Hormel’s canned chili for lunch. It slides out of the can like dog food, it’s ready to consume after 4 minutes in the microwave and it can be dumped onto anything (I once ate strawberries and chili). I remember it fondly, but like so many foods I loved as a child (any fast food ever) it has lost virtually all of its appeal to me. It is bland, boring and of questionable quality and origin. So with fond memories of what was, and a better understanding of true quality I began the ritualistic search for something better.
My first chili making foray was undertaken on a cold day in San Francisco. I was essentially jobless, very bored and mildly depressed. I would often fill my days with little projects, like walking from the apartment in the sunset to the mission district to visit a thrift store I read about, planning a UFO hoax, or dawning a backpacking backpack and cutting through golden gate park to Smart And Final to do grocery shopping, then hoofing it back through the botanical gardens as a workout… Essentially I was like a twenty two year old retiree, just filling up time. One of these lonely, lazy days was spent making chili. I went to a upper scale grocery store and bought something like 5lbs of high quality tri-tip, and all the other necessary ingredients, I think I probably spent fifty bucks. I slaved over it for hours, it was a complicated recipe for a chili dish, and the end result was horrid. The meat fell apart, in a bad way, it was too spicy and a complete failure. The left overs lived untouched in the freezer for months…
Time passed and I improved my cooking skills a considerable bit. I learned a lot about balance in food (and in life, hurrr), and when I was good and ready, I tried making chili again. It was this recipe that I used, and since then I’ve made it probably four times. Each time I figure out a little bit more and worry about the process a little bit less, and each time it gets better and better.
The keys to making good chili are to keep it simple, take it slow and don’t over do it. I’m always tempted to get freaky with a dish, throw in some cinnamon, double the spiciness, toss in a handful of bacon (actually that generally works…) and I’m usually disappointed with the results. What I never understood was that before you go and make abstract art you’ve got to understand the basics. This chili is a great 101 level dish.
I found this recipe on bigoven.com but it apparently takes its basics from a 1994 Championship Chili from the Tirlingua Chili Cookoff produced by non-other than this man.
Jim Hedrick AKA "Doc J" of Roanoke, Virginia
One look at that picture and you know two things. The early ’90s were just generally fucked up, and that Doc J is a man that knows himself some chili.
The chili itself is a really simple creation. Basically you’re browning some meat, getting the juices going, adding stock and tomato sauce and bringing it to a simmer. From there you’re just adding in chili powder and spices in three stages throughout the cooking time. The magic seems to happen in the way that the spicing of the chili is staggered, kinda like how hops are added to beer multiple times throughout the boiling process. You build a base, then as the initial spices cook down, add more and vary them to make it pop again. The spiciness of the chili really comes more from the cayenne and the chili powder, than from the chilies that the recipe calls for (three serranos are floated in the pot and removed when soft). However, the actual chilies do impart a certain fresh zing that would otherwise be missed. I couldn’t avoid getting crazy with it and I threw a habanero in there for good measure, I couldn’t tell much of a difference but it certainly increased the badass factor.
When the chili is done it comes out flavorful on the front and mildly spicy on the back end. The broth is absolutely wonderfully greasy and satisfying, I could drink it in the mornings instead of coffee. I add beans to the mix because I like it a little heartier and don’t give a shit what Texas thinks of me (or about anything).
Really chili is remarkably hard to fuck up, follow the recipe, insure you don’t go overboard with the salt and spiciness and you’ll be sitting pretty. The big bonus of chili making comes in the days afterward in which you have a legitimate excuse to chili-ize any other dish. When you’re making chili-cheese omelets at 8am or Frito chili pie at 3am (stoned) you’ll thank me.
Karl Strauss, Tower 10 IPA
Nov 13
There was a terrible time in my life, in which I didn’t particularly like big kick ass beers, I drank malt liquor, I drank rolling rock and horrible, horrible shit. I call this time anywhere between the ages of 17-18. When a friend finally got a fake ID, and we had carte blanche reign over the beer isle, I bought a bottle of Stone’s Arrogant Bastard, and a six-pack of Sierra Nevada. I could hardly manage to drink the Arrogant Bastard, the hoppiness was overpowering, even the Sierra Nevada was far from enjoyable to me…
However time heals all wounds, or in this case evolves all palates, and I began to explore the more intense beers not simply because I thought it would make me look like a bad ass (though it is a nice side effect), but out of a sincere lust for something of substance, something with a voice. The India Pale Ale was the first beer style that yelled loud enough for me to pick it out of a crowed. So like a newly born, blind kangaroo baby, I clung to it as though it were my mother’s fur and crawled instinctively into its nurturing marsupial pouch.
The side effect of my early and often IPA abuse is that I’ve become extremely accustom to the flavor profiles they present. Big hops, tons of bitter lovely flavor and a deliciously tangy lingering aftertaste. While I’m no where near being tired of it, I do feel that it takes a good deal more uniqueness to truly rouse me than it did when I made the switch from Mickey’s Grenades to real beer.
Which brings me at last to the beer this review is supposedly reviewing… Karl Strauss’ Tower 10 IPA. This is a lovely, lovely beer. Appropriately bitter, but not so much that it flattens out the flavor profile. Slightly citrus-y, but not so much that it becomes gimmicky. The aftertaste comes on strong and coats the mouth with a lingering bitterness. It’s balanced, above all else, and engenders love and respect because of this.
Often I think the IPA genre becomes a brewery’s intimidation beer. The brew they produced with maximum hops, full flavored, high percentage, full on attitude, in an attempt to garner some street-cred. While this does produce some truly impressive over-the-top beers, I fear that it sells the IPA style short, and is increasingly pushing it towards homogenization. Tower 10 avoids this, both in marketing that is delightfully lacking “edginess” and in a taste that satisfies the lust for hops, without sacrificing multidimensional flavor in the process.
Interestingly Tower 10 didn’t shake me from my IPA desensitization by blowing me away with it’s intensity, nor did it get my attention by going to extremes in the addition of adjunct flavorings like orange peel or something. Instead it simply followed the old creed “Everything in Moderation” and in doing so it delivers a wonderfully balanced IPA experience.
(Did Ben Franklin really coin “Everything in Moderation”? I feel like every witty quote from American History is either attributed to him or Mark Twain, often erroneously, so why bother siting the source anymore. Right?)
Springing forth from the barron wastelands of California’s Mojave Desert are track homes, and strip malls. A disgusting combination of homogeny, and who the fuck wants to live out here fills the mind. There is a big ass outlet mall, I suppose that attracts all kinds.
Amid this crap-fest of desolation, lies a beacon of hope, a glimmer of salvation. Taco Chon has a massive brazen sign reading ‘Restaurant’ that is both tacky, and endearing. Taco Chon will be winning no beauty awards, but who gives a damn about that. The inside is simple with a lunch counter, and old ratty tables and chairs.
I got the Carne Asada, and it was massive, and delicious. There was nothing to regret, and everything to love. Coupled with a Negra Modelo all things were grand. The steak was delicious, and it came with a side of beans and rice with guacamole and sour cream. Oh god, how I love my guacamole and sour cream. Pile that crap high on some flour tortillas, and I’ve got something special. The beans were refried, but much more fresh than you see at normal restaurants. They were kept whole, as opposed to being ground up into mushy nothingness.
Someone more adventurous ordered the Moiarra Frita which is basically a whole fried fish. It looked good, but I didn’t know her very well so I figured picking at her plate would be uncivil.
All in all a good place that one should keep in mind if traveling from Los Angles to Las Vegas. There isn’t much in the way of good eats in-between which makes this place even better.
Big Rig parking at Taco Chon #1 Stoddard Wells Rd. Victorville, CA.