Posts Tagged food

You Win This Time Red Robin

redrobinHow I wound up here is a mystery.  Well, less mystery, and more I’m drunk and someone was going there.  Red Robin you are a very strange place.

It felt like midnight, but it might have actually been more like 7pm.  The place was deserted except for a couple of people.  It’s attached to our Westfield mall, which generally I try to avoid like the plague.  I got some burger, and a bunch of beer.  The fries were steak fries, and I like steak fries.  They had an incredible amount of seasoning on them, though that may have been my fault.  There is some sort of seasoning salt they have labeled and put out on the table.  We also got some sort of oddly shaped onion ring thing.  I buried just about everything I ate there in ranch.  Life was good.

Really my only gripe is that the fries are supposed to be endless, but they took forever to get the second batch out.  Then apparently they gave them to some other table.  Fuckers.

So there you have it.  Go to Red Robin hopped up on margaritas, and beer.  Get more beer, and forget that you’r sitting next to a man in a suit.  I’ve got a shirt with a turkey on it. Victory!

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“Doc J’s”, 1994 Terlingua International Chili Championship Winner

CHILI

When I was a young boy, home alone during the Summer months I would often consume Hormel’s canned chili for lunch. It slides out of the can like dog food, it’s ready to consume after 4 minutes in the microwave and it can be dumped onto anything (I once ate strawberries and chili). I remember it fondly, but like so many foods I loved as a child (any fast food ever) it has lost virtually all of its appeal to me. It is bland, boring and of questionable quality and origin. So with fond memories of what was, and a better understanding of true quality I  began the ritualistic search for something better.

My first chili making foray was undertaken on a cold day in San Francisco. I was essentially jobless, very bored and mildly depressed. I would often fill my days with little projects, like walking from the apartment in the sunset to the mission district to visit a thrift store I read about,  planning a UFO hoax, or dawning a backpacking backpack and cutting through golden gate park to Smart And Final to do grocery shopping, then hoofing it back through the botanical gardens as a workout… Essentially I was like a twenty two year old retiree, just filling up time. One of these lonely, lazy days was spent making chili. I went to a upper scale grocery store and bought something like 5lbs of high quality tri-tip, and all the other necessary ingredients, I think I probably spent fifty bucks. I slaved over it for hours, it was a complicated recipe for a chili dish, and the end result was horrid. The meat fell apart, in a bad way, it was too spicy and a complete failure. The left overs lived untouched in the freezer for months…

Time passed and I improved my cooking skills a considerable bit. I learned a lot about balance in food (and in life, hurrr), and when I was good and ready, I tried making chili again. It was this recipe that I used, and since then I’ve made it probably four times. Each time I figure out a little bit more and worry about the process a little bit less, and each time it gets better and better.

The keys to making good chili are to keep it simple, take it slow and don’t over do it. I’m always tempted to get freaky with a dish, throw in some cinnamon, double the spiciness, toss in a handful of bacon (actually that generally works…) and I’m usually disappointed with the results. What I never understood was that before you go and make abstract art you’ve got to understand the basics. This chili is a great 101 level dish.

I found this recipe on bigoven.com but it apparently takes its basics from a 1994 Championship Chili from the Tirlingua Chili Cookoff produced by non-other than this man.

Jim Hedrick AKA "Doc J" of Roanoke, Virginia

Jim Hedrick AKA "Doc J" of Roanoke, Virginia

One look at that picture and you know two things. The early ’90s were just generally fucked up, and that Doc J is a man that knows himself some chili.

The chili itself is a really simple creation. Basically you’re browning some meat, getting the juices going, adding stock and tomato sauce and bringing it to a simmer. From there you’re just adding in chili powder and spices in three stages throughout the cooking time. The magic seems to happen in the way that the spicing of the chili is staggered, kinda like how hops are added to beer multiple times throughout the boiling process. You build a base, then as the initial spices cook down, add more and vary them to make it pop again. The spiciness of the chili really comes more from the cayenne and the chili powder, than from the chilies that the recipe calls for (three serranos are floated in the pot and removed when soft). However, the actual chilies do impart a certain fresh zing that would otherwise be missed. I couldn’t avoid getting crazy with it and I threw a habanero in there for good measure, I couldn’t tell much of a difference but it certainly increased the badass factor.

When the chili is done it comes out flavorful on the front and mildly spicy on the back end. The broth is absolutely wonderfully greasy and satisfying, I could drink it in the mornings instead of coffee. I add beans to the mix because I like it a little heartier and don’t give a shit what Texas thinks of me (or about anything).

Really chili is remarkably hard to fuck up, follow the recipe, insure you don’t go overboard with the salt and spiciness and you’ll be sitting pretty. The big bonus of chili making comes in the days afterward in which you have a legitimate excuse to chili-ize any other dish. When you’re making chili-cheese omelets at 8am or Frito chili pie at 3am (stoned) you’ll thank me.

“Doc J’s” 1994 Tirlingua Chili Recipe on Big Oven

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Taco Chon- Revenge of the Taco

sign

Springing forth from the barron wastelands of California’s Mojave Desert are track homes, and strip malls.  A disgusting combination of homogeny, and who the fuck wants to live out here fills the mind.  There is a big ass outlet mall, I suppose that attracts all kinds.

Amid this crap-fest of desolation, lies a beacon of hope, a glimmer of salvation.  Taco Chon has a massive brazen sign reading ‘Restaurant’ that is both tacky, and endearing.  Taco Chon will be winning no beauty awards, but who gives a damn about that.  The inside is simple with a lunch counter, and  old ratty tables and chairs.

I got the Carne Asada, and it was massive, and delicious.  There was nothing to regret, and everything to love.  Coupled with a Negra Modelo all things were grand.    The steak was delicious, and it came with a side of beans and rice with guacamole and sour cream.  Oh god, how I love my guacamole and sour cream.  Pile that crap high on some flour tortillas, and I’ve got something special.  The beans were refried, but much more fresh than you see at normal restaurants.  They were kept whole, as opposed to being ground up into mushy nothingness.

Screen shot 2009-11-12 at 9.01.50 AM

Someone more adventurous ordered the Moiarra Frita which is basically a whole fried fish.  It looked good, but I didn’t know her very well so I figured picking at her plate would be uncivil.

All in all a good place that one should keep in mind if traveling from Los Angles to Las Vegas.  There isn’t much in the way of good eats in-between which makes this place  even better.

Big Rig parking at Taco Chon #1 Stoddard Wells Rd. Victorville, CA.

I am suprised to find that they have a website.

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Cannibals Make For Bad Neighbors

cannibal

‘No, Frank, you can’t eat me.  Get the hell out of my BBQ. I don’t care if you made a delicious dry rub designed specifically for human flesh.’

I have no moral qualms with eating people, however I am an anti-cannibal for practical reasons.

Think of cannibalism in the same sense that we think of driving.  There is an inherent level of trust when we drive.  If too many people start ignoring the rules, running red lights for example, it leads to traffic jams, and a general break down of the entire system.  Likewise if we start eating anyone at will, society simply won’t be able to function.  The trust is lost, and we become one of those horrible backward-ass third world countries.

Legislation governing cannibalism wouldn’t work either.  Maybe we start a human farm, humans raised solely for the purpose of being eaten.  The criteria for putting people in this farm would be far too subjective, and influenced by special interest groups.  If something like this were to take effect a group like the NRA could come in, and set up some sort of human hunting league, which could lead to God knows what.

Just look at who cannibals are: Tribal people, the Congolese,  and Liberians.  Not any society I want to be a part of.  So, don’t eat your neighbor, and have a Happy Halloween.

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Oye Dios Mios

walter magazine

Standing in line at Vallarta Supermarket I saw whatever the fuck this is.  The 5 lbs. of carne aside prevented me from flipping through it, but honestly, do I want to?

Is this a man or a woman?  Shehim has clearly been inspired by Robin Williams in the 90’s sensation Mrs. Doubtfire.

Magazine aside Vallarta is a magical land of wonder and delight.  It caters to the latinos in us all, and especially to the high concentration of hispanics living in the area.  They have vats of guacamole and nacho cheese the size of a victorian bath tub.  All types of meat, fresh produce, a little eating area, and fresh tortillas make it all so grand.  It is a bustling vibrant establishment, and worth checking out.

Hell Yes!

Hell Yes!

Often they have some radio station that comes down and makes an ass load of noise.  You will know when this is going on because there is a 30 ft. inflatable tecate can.

Vallarta also has a service that delivers food or picks people up, I’m not quite sure.  All I know is those fucks drive  40 mph through the parking lot, and have nearly taken me out on multiple occasions.

Wrap Up:  Fire up the grill, get some beer, and buy whatever damn dead animal your heart desires.  You won’t regret it.

You can find store locations at http://www.vallartasupermarket.com/

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How Tito Likes His Tacos

titos

Tito was born high in the hills of Mexico some 70 years ago.  His father was killed in or by the Mexican Army, Tito has never clarified this point.  His mother died when he was young, and he was forced to raise his 3 brothers, and 4 sisters.  Tito fed them tacos for sustenance using his mothers famous recipe she had taught him when he was only a tyke.  This is the story of a man that I believe to be true, and for all I know could be.

Tito’s Tacos has been a staple of the Culver City region long before my presence on this earth.  The modest establishment is always crowded, and if my math is correct his fortune is akin to that of Walmart.  Reviewing this is like reviewing the Mona Lisa.  Entrenched are the patrons whom would accuse me of blasphemy for anything less than unadulterated praise (That of course makes an erroneous assumption that anyone has read this article).

The taco shells are deep fried, and filled with tender juicy beef.  They are topped with lettuce, and have the option of cheese, but as my old decrepit Los Angeles native mother said to me, ‘purist don’t get it with cheese.’

After a night of friends, family, cops, and tawdry woman accompanied by vats of booze, these tacos preformed admirable, settled me down, and let me refocus on what reality looks like.  If you can call tacos simple and straightforward, that is what I’d call these.

taco

While they are good, I do not see why it induces a zealous cult like atmosphere.  People come here in droves, and I find it astounding.  The salsa is decent, but very watery, and incredibly mild.  It is however quite fresh, as is everything there which is what I like in a bustling, quick and easy joint.

The food is inexpensive, and they’re a cash only establishment.  There were 2 ants in my drink, but that’s just part of doing business.  Go there for the atmosphere, the food, and a possible parking ticket.  May the memory of Tito’s mama live on, if the legend be true.

Location:  11222 Washington Pl, Culver City, CA 90230

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